Healthy: Wanting To Be Healthy



Dr. A,
I am in the early stages of starting a new exercise routine. I’m not trying to lose a lot of weight, but I know how important exercise is in keeping my heart healthy. I want to exercise with a reliable partner, but my wife is too stressed out with work and our children to put in any significant amount of time at the gym. I offered to find a sitter to keep the kids for an hour or two, a few times a week, but no matter how delicately I bring it up, we usually end up in an argument. What can I do?

~Hoping to Exercise More and Reduce Stress


Dear Hoping to Excerise More and Reduce Stress,
To answer the first part of your question, exercise is a key component of physical/psychological wellness. The problem for most people is finding an ideal balance between personal/family time and work/business obligations. Continuously improving technology seems to create ever increasing multi-tasked workloads and fragmented lifestyles which heighten the stress levels on our minds, bodies, and often our spirits. Occasional stress is part of the human condition but prolonged stress soon manifests itself through symptoms of mental fatigue, a feeling of being overwhelmed, low self-esteem (feelings of inadequacy), irritability, and anger, all of which could lead to depressed moods, frustration, high anxiety, or even clinical depression. Though this progression can affect both genders, your wife’s behavior may be an indication of one or a combination of these factors. 

I am assuming that both of you have seen your respective physicians and have discussed your intended exercise programs for appropriateness and safety so as to avoid undue soreness, over-exertion, hyperextension of muscles, or activities which could possibly induce an injury, stroke, or a heart attack. Gradualism in the beginning of your exercise routine allows your body to adjust to increased demands. The old “no pain, no gain” philosophy is not recommended and might even cause one or both of you to give up too early because of negative side effects. Along with proper diet and nutrition (including smaller portions of food), consistency and frequency of cardio-vascular exercise (minimum of 30 minutes, four times a week), and perseverance – it takes about six to eight weeks for new behavior to become a habit – each of you should lose an average of two to three pounds per week. Remember, patience is needed because most of us usually want instant gratification for any personal goals we set for ourselves. 

Since finding time to pursue your individual exercise programs is the issue raised in the second part of your question, your offer to get a sitter for the kids is a good idea if you and your wife want to combine increased exercise and together time simultaneously. Or, you could alternate being sitters for your children on odd or even days after work so each of you could have equal ‘me time.’ Plus, the kids would be getting increased quality time with their parents which might even include outdoor exercise for them and you! Of course, this might be a tough sell since many children today consider digital games and virtual-video interaction adequate exercise. 

Additionally, I would suggest that each of you find ways to exercise within your home (indoor gym sets, treadmills, stationery bikes, free weights, etc.) and/or taking brisk 30+ minute walks around your neighborhood if safety conditions warrant. If your children are mature enough to remain safely together for about 30-45 minutes and know how to call your cell phones in case of an emergency, you and your wife could take the walks together while also engaging in light conversation (not issue-oriented discussions which could lead to argument). This might afford the best opportunity for essential face-to-face time on a daily basis. This type of meaningful, regular communication during exercise would do wonders for your respective well-being as well as the quality of your marriage enabling you to be more relaxed and better parents for your children. Remember, we find time for our highest priorities and without positive relationships, especially in a marriage and family, life is almost meaningless. Your health is your wealth and net worth is not a measure of self-worth. 

In summary, a reasonable and consistent exercise and nutrition program is not only good for both of you but also serves as a model for your children to emulate later in life as adults and eventual parents. Also, keep a sense of sincere gratitude of all the blessings God has bestowed upon you, an attitude based on positive values and optimism, a passion for your chosen career (especially with an intentionality to serve others), and an ability to give and receive unconditional love for those closest to you. This combination will not only reduce stress, anxiety, anger, and pessimism but will engender increased wellness, personal contentment, and inner peace. Live every hour as if it were your last (because someday you’re gonna’ be right). Each morning as you awaken, resolve to live in the moment in all your endeavors while never forgetting that every day is a gift. That’s why it’s called the “present”